Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
