Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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