She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize