I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
