dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
