oh god the rape fog is back!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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