Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize