So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
