Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
