So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
