I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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