You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
