yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize