I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
