I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
