I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
