I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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