grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
vagina is talking i cant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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