I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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