So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
