what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
