He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
