I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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