There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize