This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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