If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
