i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
