i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You left your phone here
Wait...
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