i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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