there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize