stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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