I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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