They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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