If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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