Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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