Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize