So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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