You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
