i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
