i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
