I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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