two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
