You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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