My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
