Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
