I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
