Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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