Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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