Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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