i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
