"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
