you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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