He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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