he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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