I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I believe in your delicious
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
