You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
