yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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