did you get engaged???
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
