I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
