Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize