clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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