i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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