There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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