it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
