ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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