So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
