never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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