Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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