you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
