pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
