A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
