my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
