Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
