Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
