you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
