I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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