ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
