i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
